Growing Up

I am reading a book called Grown-Up Girlfriends: Finding and Keeping Real Friends in the Real World by Erin Smalley and Carrie Oliver. It is put out by those nifty Focus on the Family people. I picked it up at Barnes and Noble about a month-and-a-half ago with a free gift card I received from taking a survey online and on the phone. A $30 gift card. I also picked up Sylvia Plath's Ariel and a bargain book about learning how to listen and communicate better.

Feeling the way I have lately is in part a direct correlation to my friendship situation. This friendship situation I speak of has been my inability to function properly with other people. On one hand I've been horribly dependent on others to take God's place in who I turn to in a time of need, to feel worthy, to feel loved and needed. On the other hand I am not really in a state of mind to try and demand anything from friendships as I am far to emotionally immature to properly respond and react in a way that is functional and healthy. So as a result I've distanced myself from everyone I love, have become numb to those I shouldn't and have thrown in the towel on relationships in general (Save for Rachel and my husband).

One good thing that has come from my disappearing act is that I don't feel so needy. I don't feel hurt when nobody calls me. I don't even really think about it. I don't think about what anyone is doing and whether or not they'll invite me. I just don't care. Sure, I am praying for my friends' blessings and I think of them fondly - I just don't harbor any feelings about the structure and stability of our relationships. It is quite liberating. The lack of paranoia is refreshing. The few times I've spent with some people have been really great - I guess absence does make the heart grow fond.

Another cool thing about spending all this time alone and not being so preoccupied with what everyone else is thinking is that I've become more in tune with how my emotions work. I've narrowed my problems down to a few things (Have yet to make an appointment with a counselor, I have this incredibly dominating personality issue of thinking I can fix everything myself even when I know intellectually that I CANNOT).

I know I have serious premenstrual and menstrual (And post menstrual for that matter) problems. I tend to have cramps and SEVERE mood swings up to two weeks before the actual bleeding starts - usually late, sometimes skipping whole months, sometimes two. In almost every case, the PMS lasts until after the first two days of bleeding. I believe that it is a possibility that whatever hormonal imbalance I have is causing my severe mood swings and the frustration of having no control over it amplifies my emotions tenfold. It is much less stressful, however to view my emotional instability as a physical condition that can be eventually controlled through diagnosis and medical treatment as opposed to decades of therapy until one day through rigorous testing and horrible depression I find the right balance of meds to finally find some sort of peace.

During these days, weeks and sometimes months I am on edge. I find fault in everything anyone does, I am short-tempered and anxious, I am depressed, paranoid, I over-eat, I'm exhausted. I am numb to any one's problems and I can't seem to think about anything else other than what I am feeling at the time. Even though mentally I know it is wrong to act the way I do, I can't seem to get a handle on it and I actually feel too "tired," to react or act in any other fashion. It seems like too much trouble to apologize, to calm down, to listen to any one's problems, to be there for anyone in general. This is becoming an issue because of my family's increasing dependence on me and my even more increasing apathy.

Even though I am going through this very thing this week (Started the Sunday I was at Moro Bay, I'm so sorry for being so distant Rachel) I had a moment of clarity this evening. Jason has workshop, the two friends I have been talking about going to the movies with are busy tonight, another friend I haven't spoken to in weeks has other plans tonight...I started to feel like, "What the heck am I going to do with myself?" I picked up Grown-Up Girlfriends and started reading it and two hours later I'm half-way through it. (Yes, I have gone off on quite a tangent here, have I not?)

The book begins with a scientific and biblical background explaining the desire women have for friendships. Erin and Carrie explain to us how women are designed with companionship in mind and reference the bible from the purpose of Eve to the relationships between Ruth and Naomi and Mary and Elizabeth.

The scientific explanation was taken from a UCLA study that noted how women seem to congregate together during high times of stress. Doctors Shelley Taylor and Laura Klein gathered information together from "animal research and studies examining the interaction of hormones and the nervous system."1 They found that when the hormone Oxytocin is released during stress, it causes women to tend to children and gather with other women. The action of relating or tending releases more Oxytocin which counters stress and produces a calming effect. Men, however produce testosterone during periods of stress which seems to reduce the effects of Oxytocin which is why the doctors also found that men seem to isolate from others during these periods of stress.

Klein and Taylor also reported that the more friends a woman had the less likely she was to develop physical impairments and the more likely they were to be leading a joyful life. Sounds good to me.

This wonderful book goes on to discuss why God calls us to friendships and how to understand the purpose in a specific relationship. When you are able to exemplify Christ in your behavior you open up a whole new world for your friendship - it becomes much more beneficial. The benefits of a Christ-like friendship described in Chapter two are: 1. Taking the focus off yourself. When you aren't in a relationship to nurture your own needs and desires you get the opportunity to see how God is using that friendship. When you can see God's way miraculous things can happen. 2. Realizing that the relationship is about God and not about you or your friend. Allowing the focus to remain off yourself and others relieves the pain of rejection and disappointment that relationships can bring. 3. When seeking God and His purpose the challenging times can be viewed with meaning and hope. He could be teaching us to be less critical, more accepting or to help a friend who's life is in the dark.

My favorite part of the book so far is in Chapter 3 The Grown-Up Friend Experiences Levels of Intimacy In this chapter Erin shares a conversation she had during which her mother-in-law described friends as baskets. The baskets, she explained, represented the levels of intimacy shared with friends. The third basket is your acquaintances. The second basket is your good friends and the first basket is your most intimate relationships. The importance in this analogy is to assess your situation and determine the roles - so to speak - of the people in your life. Do you expect too much attention from an acquaintance? Do you push your gym buddy into a much more intimate relationship than he or she is ready for? Are you experiencing true intimacy with your best friend or are you spreading yourself too thin amongst all the other people you wish you were closer to? These statements spoke loud and clear to me and after a good cry I became determined to discover who's in my baskets and treat them accordingly.

A poignant point in this chapter is the hard discovery that most of us try to replace God with human relationships. All this intimacy we crave with people can be easily answered if we can just learn how to become more intimate with God. They ask, "Where is God in your baskets? Has He slipped into a basket number three role, with limited intimacy shared? Where do you desire Him to be?"2

Chapter 4, The Grown-Up Friend Is Committed to Knowing Herself discusses heart. They quote Mark 12:28-31

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

I have lost site of the state of my heart. I have hardened it over time. I have blocked God's love from passing between me and other people. In a state of fear and rejection I have not only ruined several friendships, I have caused others to be irreparably damaged and others yet hang in the balance. Instead of reaching out to those who I have felt hurt by and trying to reconcile differences, I have allowed the deceiver to make me believe I have to be tough and turn away from people to protect myself.

I am ashamed and saddened by all this time wasted being so angry and distant. There are ways to set boundaries and protect myself without shutting out the love God wants us all to share. Erin and Carrie quote the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz:

It was a terrible thing to undergo, but during the year I stood there I had time to think that the greatest loss I had known was the loss of my heart. While I was in love I was the happiest man on earth; but no one can love who has not a heart, and so I am resolved to ask Oz to give me one.

And thus I beg God to soften my heart, to open it to all, to teach me to love unconditionally to teach me how to get my emotions in check so that my reactions are fruitful and always out of love. I pray that God will awaken my spirit to the needs of others because this numbness is the most depressing thing of all.

I ask God to help me learn to embrace all differences. To learn the value of differences and to always seek His way to see His purpose and to once and for all learn how to live beyond myself. (Do I smell a re visitation to Beth Moore?)

God bless you all and I hope to be back for a recap once I finish the book. Oh and I know I have a little something I call The Genius of God to get back to as well ;-)

1. Ch. 1, p. 13
2. Ch. 3, p. 51

MY TRIP TO MORRO BAY

Remember in elementary school on the first day of school when the teacher would make you write an essay about your summer vacation? It would be like, "My summer vacation. This summer I went to Gramma's house. We swam every day. We bbq'd at nighttime. My gramma has a cat. I like her cat. His name is Omar. He has a blanket that he carries with him everywhere. When I grow up I want to have a cat just like Omar. The end."

Here is a grown-up version of my summer vacation.

I got a late start Saturday morning because I was up until 1:30 am over-preparing for my weekend trip to Morro bay. Not only was my trunk neurotically stuffed with items I never once for a minute thought I wouldn't use (Darth Vader beach chair w/ cup holder, tri-pod, wood, badminton set), my backpack wasn't packed with items I sorely missed, (long pants, tennis shoes [who forgets their tennies?], warmer clothes in general). The ironic thing (or not) about that is I checked weather.com and was fully aware of the probable temperature and told myself for days not to forget my tennis shoes and jeans.

Not wanting to see the inside of Rocky Roaster at all I received my caffeine fix from the local drive-through Starbucks down the street from my apartment. I don't know if it was the withdrawal headache (I'm used to that first cup around seven am and it was almost nine) or the intense thirst, but that triple espresso over ice with three Splendas and steamed soy milk wasn't bad.

The ride up was gorgeous. The weather was beautiful and I had the perfect selection of coastal driving music: Among My Swan by Mazzy Star, Nick Drake's Five Leaves Left, The Man Who by Travis, and Coldplay's A Rush of Blood to the Head. I ate the most expensive breakfast EVER at Ellen's Danish Pancake House in Buelton, 'Home of Pea Soup Anderson's'. For the fifteen dollars I spent on an omelet and a cup of coffee I could have had a Danish sausage wrapped in a Danish pancake (Which is like a decadent Bratwurst wrapped in a crepe).

As Rachel said it was Serendipitous that I left when I did as they left later than expected as well and we all ended up arriving at the campground at the same time. It was at an RV campground which we camped, a huge area that boasted some 48 tent sites as well. Rache's parents have a really cool RV and we set up camp in tents across the way. It wasn't exactly the kind of camping I'm used to (Backpacking in, no stores around, no showers, porta-potties at best), but it was still nice and the view was spectacular.

Saturday we ate at a fish and chips place that would blow your mind. We got a bucket of fish, a bag of fries, two cartons of the best garlic, Parmesan cheese fries EVER and some sodas for like fifty bucks. It fed (stuffed) seven of us. After dinner Rachel and I hiked up Black Hill for our much needed photo excursion. (See new photos on Flickr, which I will load sometime today). We got crazy and it was so much fun. I enjoyed that few hours so much I didn't even care that I was hiking around in socks and flip-flops. (Go Reefs!)

The night consisted of leaning on the rice aisle, laughing so hard I had to pee after Rachel told her husband I would be roasting his sausage (It felt SO good to be around someone who willingly goes along with my desire to act like we're fourteen) roasting marshmallows and practically nodding off over the warm fire. We slept hard and deep, not unlike drugged babies.

The next day Rachel and her family went to church while I set out to explore more of the Bay. I tasted coffee from three different shops and I have to say RR's is still the best I've ever had. The fog made for some great views and I really enjoyed the me time. After church Rachel and I stalked the shops for trinkets and I managed to find myself a few buttons and a few gifts for a few family members that I have yet to part with. (Hey, I'm sick and my car is in the shop, I'll get over there as soon as I can).

I kept saying I had to leave by noon and it wasn't until three that I actually got on the road. Unfortunately Pismo beach was on the way home and I ended up getting sucked into the fabulousness that is Pismo until after five. Right before I left the beach my camera just shut down and I figured the batteries were dead (Now that they are recharged, it turns on but the lens still won't open! I'm dying inside over this, you have no idea).

My car overheated on the way home so I drove for almost three hours with the heater on. Between the ice cold air of the beach and the horrible heat of LA county, not having any shoes while camping and sleeping with no pants on during a very cold, dewy night - I came down with a nasty cold that I am allowing myself to be a complete baby over as I write this.

The highlight of my trip was the beauty and of course seeing Rachel. I can't believe how comfortable I am with her. Like family. It doesn't matter what we're doing, just sharing space with her is more than anyone could ask for. She's so full of love and light - such a fun-loving girl with wits so sharp they'd cut you if she wasn't so darn nice. It had been a long time since I laughed that hard. Thank you Rachel. I love you.

There are so many things I want to say right now for so many different reasons. Partially I am overwhelmed with so many thoughts I can't seem to put them together in my own head, let alone articulate anything to anyone else. I also am bombarded with more emotions than I know how to handle at this moment. I'm just gonna go ahead and write here, as if this one entry were torn straight out of my stream-of-consciousness diary.

Right now, as I type this I'm in pain. Like serious pain. My neck feels like it has been wrung. I had what a normal, well-balanced, Civilized Lady of Polite Society would call a "temper-tantrum." I blew my top. I think I'm in the middle of another nervous breakdown and it is freaking me out.

When I was seventeen I was out of control. This was before the drugs, too. All I had tampered with at that time was some cigarettes and some Jack Daniels once or twice. Oh, I had dabbled in marijuana a few times in high school but that's out of context.

I mean. I was. OUT of CONTROL. I had been diagnosed with Extreme Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder and also "Possibly suffered from manic-depressive episodes." They put me on Tegretol for my uncontrollable rages during which I would throw frying pans across the kitchen at anyone in my way, I busted my sister's face up with the receiver of a pay phone and I tried to slit my brother's throat with a butter knife.

I was put on Desipramine for my depression. Unfortunately the drugs interacted with each other and after one particularly emotionally traumatic event I had a complete psychotic and nervous breakdown during which I ingested all of my pills and chased them with a package of Vivarin. I was hospitalized for a length of period I do not recall and I tricked my mother into not institutionalizing me - she did not for fear I would try again and succeed.

Over the years I seemed to have calmed down...I always assumed it was due to all the pot I smoked and acid I dropped. I went to school, I worked hard, I slowly - but surely gathered together some semblance of "normalcy." HA.

All I did was shove it all deep down inside and mask it with random addictions. Looking back I realized that even then it wasn't completely covered up. There were always the horrible nightmares. Every night for as long as I can remember I've had nightmares. There were instances I would cry for hours if I had some silly argument with someone or something random didn't work out for me. There were times I heard voices or saw shadows.

Then I became born again and it all seemed to go away. For a few months. Then last spring things started to creep up. I would notice that I was more edgy than usual. I started getting paranoid. I heard voices. I saw shadows. The nightmares got worse. I would cry at random times. The lump in my throat that I would have to swallow hard over whenever there was some sort of agitation in anyway. It lasted through the spring and most of the summer and then things got better.

A few months ago my moods started really bothering me again. I was going from being euphorically happy to totally depressed to being so angry I thought I'd explode. Now I'm just depressed. I am frustrated. I can't see my way out of it.

I am crying all the time. I can't think straight. I'm so paranoid. I seem to be having moments of clarity after I cry for a few hours. Today I didn't think I'd be able to work. I stuck to myself and didn't really talk to anyone. I almost freaked out on my boss over something terribly insignificant but I walked away and talked myself down - I'm proud of myself for that and ultimately shocked because I thought I was going to lose it and my job.

It was so bad that I was shaking and weak and my neck started to stiffen...Like I was using every ounce of power I had in me to control myself. But after a few more disturbances in my day I totally lost it. Picture me: Passenger seat, Jason driving, I'm screaming and kicking and punching and crying. I punched the window, the dash, myself. I kicked at the dash. I screamed so hard that I thought I had severed my windpipe because there was this excruciating burning sensation that struck me suddenly and now it still hurts to swallow.

I'm not dealing with anything right now. I think the harder I try to be normal, the worse I feel. I actually start getting angry at my friends because I feel if I don't keep it together they won't like me anymore. So I get angry at them...How does that make sense? At the time it makes perfect sense. Now that I'm looking at my behavior, I realize how selfish and just crazy it seems.

I'm noticing all the signs of when I had my last breakdown. I must tell you right now...I WILL NOT BE COMMITTING SUICIDE. The one difference between now and then is my faith. I'm not so out of my mind that I've forgotten the laws of God.

However, my quality of life is waning and I need help. I am so scared to go back into therapy. I am so scared they will tell me they can't help me, they'll refer me to a psychiatrist who will then put me on mind-numbing drugs that will make me the Perfect Citizen while the storm rages in my soul. Please pray for me. Please pray that I pull myself together enough to just go talk to someone. I know I need it. I am clear on that. I don't want to lose again. I can't start all over again. I won't.

My brother Jason is going in for another surgery tomorrow. I haven't posted anything on it because any emails or calls about it would have sent me to the bin. I've been trying not to think about it because there is just so much to do and I know that if I dwelled on it enough to make me write about it then there was going to be a problem.

So now that the surgery is tomorrow I'm opening up about it and asking you all for your prayers that when they look at him they'll know what to do and that won't include taking veins and muscle and tissue from his abdomen and threading them through his neck into his head because that is a very risky surgery. We're praying that he has enough skin on his scalp that they can cover the baseball-sized hole in his head. That's all we can do.

God bless.

i thought this was over

When everyday is a struggle. It's a struggle just to open my eyes. To sit up, throw my legs over the side of the bed and push myself into a standing position.

to brush my teeth
wash my face
wear shoes
go to work
shower
take my pants down to pee

but i do it everyday
i do it because if i don't it will all fall apart.
thank god i'm needed. i don't think i'd be able to do it if people didn't depend on me. i guess that's god's blessing for me.
i wish suicide got you into heaven. one way ticket. thank god for faith. shit. thank god.

i get out of bed everyday and i live my life and i put on my pretend hat and i smile and say "I'm good!" when my legs feel like lead weights and all i want to do is lay down but i can't sleep i could stay up for days but i don't because i'm working and i know i have to do that because that's what's expected. it's like autopilot. some one's definitely driving for me. cause i'm not in control.

i do it because if i don't then they all hate you and they all tell you what a burden you've become.
they treat you like shit because they know you'll take it. because you need their love to feel whole.
you always hurt the ones you love.
and they say it's me. i'm the one that hurts.

everyday feels like it's going to be my last. i daydream about getting hit by a car and my funeral and who will be there. i see myself hemorrhaging. all the blood in my body flowing from my nose and mouth. slumping, lifeless on the bathroom floor amidst the time magazines and bloody-snot-rags.
i imagine i'll die alone. afraid. panic.

every minute i question what's real. people deny what i'm positive has happened. i doubt their motives. it has become a game pretending to be normal.
i want to breakdown
break shit
scream and kick in the walls
but i'm so tired
and i ache all the time
and i'm afraid i'm turning cold.
my heart turning to stone
my passion is waning

the only things i find remotely pleasurable are movies and food. i want to stuff myself until i all i can feel is the blood rushing through my brain. it hurts and that pain reminds me that i'm alive and the point is to do it. endure. thrive. in spite. of. it all.

i want to lose myself in some body's story because art is the ONLY THING I CAN RELATE TO.

these strangers, painters, authors. their story is just like mine. they feel my emotions and speak my thoughts. i think they know my life. they must. is it a disease? is that why it won't go away. won't fucking go away?

i thought this was over.
i thought it was over.
why do i always go crazy in the spring?
i need help. i fucking need help. i'm lost. i am seriously fucking lost.

I had this really bad dream last night that lingered long after I woke and is still weighing heavily on my mind because I can't figure out what it means. I fell asleep around 11:30 pm and immediately began dreaming that I was laying face down on one of those metal merry-go-rounds they have at parks for kids. I was on my stomach, my head hanging down over the edge, my arms stretched out before me.

It wasn't a colorful dream, nor was it in black and white, but it was like almost sepia, everything had a sort of reddish-brown tint, like that picture of me with the wooden dolphins. It was fuzzy, there were trails, things were pretty blurry but I could still make it all out.

An unrecognizable man in a suit approached me and placed his hands over mine and said, "So you love God?" In an almost taunting, bitter voice. It immediately terrified me and I called out to Jesus right away. I prayed with all my might and I was awakened with this feeling of dread. I felt as if the man was still in the room with me and for a split second I couldn't move. As soon as I could I reached out to Jason and cried in his arms until I fell asleep.

A few days ago I collapsed in bed as soon as I got home and fell into a deep slumber. I had many weird dreams and I had many instances where I was half-awake but couldn't move. It had been a long time since I suffered from sleep-paralysis, but I've gotten used to it so it didn't scare me too much, even though I had what I can only describe as either visitations or hallucinations of others being in the room with me.

At one point; however, things got a bit scary. I felt a heavy body slide up next to me in bed and press against me. I "sensed" it was a male entity and it seemed to be attempting to molest me. It held me down and although I was totally paralyzed - I couldn't even cry out for help - my eyes were squinted open and I could barely make out a large, dark shape in front of me (I was laying on my side). The strange thing about that is I felt the entity behind me.

As soon as I became aware of what was happening, I cried out to Jesus and as SOON as I said His name, I saw the black shape shoot away from me and I felt light as a feather. Although I sensed the entity still there in the room, I knew it couldn't harm me after I asked for God's assistance.

I know of all the stories of Incubus and Old Hag syndrome and the possibility of hallucination during sleep paralysis. I also know that before I became a BAMJ (My acronym for born-again Messianic Jew) these things happened quite often. The male entity haunted my dreams and disturbed my sleep on almost a daily basis. After I accepted the Holy Spirit into my heart these things stopped.

Why is this happening again? Who was the man in the suit? What is this entity disturbing my sleep once more? Does anyone have any incite on this? It's totally freaking me out and I KNOW I'm not going crazy. Er.

Letter to my sisters

I am trying to realize (As I have always tried to do) that every one's problems are bigger to themselves. Even when I am in the depths of despair, foraging for light to break the darkness I feel within, there are others who see my life through the lens of their own pain and wonder what I have to complain about.

In moments like these (Serenity) I am able to understand their contempt (Or at least indifference) for my vocalization of stress, sadness, anger, etc., because I've been there. I have been in places so dark and devoid of any love that I couldn't possibly put myself in any one's shoes, let alone allow them to make me see the selfishness (And I say that literally, without the societal negative connotations) of my pre-occupation with my troubles.

There are times when I realize that any suffering I may endure is not only a direct reflection of how I am reacting to any given situation, but God's way of showing others how to endure times of strife. During those moments I am able to keep my problems to myself, be gracious in attitude and demeanor and lend a helping hand to those who cannot do it alone.

I must apologize to you all for those times when you have needed me to be there for you but I was all to consumed with how I was feeling, what I was going through. I am sorry for any time you wanted to approach me for support but felt guilty for doing so, or felt I wouldn't care or though I might lend only as much as an apathetic ear.

I have become withdrawn inside myself, my brain is feeding off itself. I am as lovely Crystal has said on many occasions, "Thinking myself into a coma." I have become so consumed with what I'm doing for people or what is being asked of me, my health - physical and mental that I have ceased to be a light that God can shine through. I have made my life about me, when all along and forever more it should be about Him.

I vow today that I will do my best to honor Him and to show you His love, understanding, patience and grace at all times. I promise I will constantly be asking Him to give me the strength to put you all first as He would and does do for all of us.

I prayed to God for a friend and he gave me several. You are all miracles in my life. I hope I never fail at making you see that. May God's love and peace be with you always, He loves you all so much and wants nothing more than for you all to find joy in all the little things. He wants you to give all your stress and anxiety to him! He can handle it!

We are all so precious to him. We are his little children and we can be as helpless as we want around Him. He's got it under control.

-Jennifer

Book of James 1:1-4
From the Holman Christian Standard Bible on Patience and Maturity

2 Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.


Psalm 37:1-6
Also HCSB on Instruction in Wisdom

1 Do not be agitated by evildoers; do not envy those who do wrong.
2 For they wither quickly like grass and wilt like tender green plants.
3 Trust in the Lord and do what is good; dwell in the land and live securely.
4 Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires.
5 Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act,
6 making your righteousness shine like the dawn, your justice like the noonday.

Philippians 4:4-9
HCSB

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
5 Let your graciousness be known to everyone. The Lord is near.
6 Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things.
9 Do what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.

Thursday Thirteen

Randominity...A word? Who cares.

1. Crashed the company van.
2. Been working a buttload. Tired as all get out but the money's good.
3. Bro's going back in for surgery...His head split open. Fun times are back at last.
4. Period is late. BIG surprise. (Smell that? That's sarcasm!)
5. Been vegan for two months, decided on a whim to eat a juicy, delicious cheeseburger, got sick for two days. Three cheers for peeing out yer butt!
6. Although I've been vegan I'm still dangerously addicted to sugar so I've only lost about five pounds give or take some water. Or poo. However you want to look at it.
7. I have three painful cavities - once filled back at the dawn of time - that are making me want to hit myself in the face with an ice skate a la Tom Hanks in Castaway.
8. There was a tornado. Yep, that's right Toto, a real-live torminado. Ripped off a few roofs too. Take THAT Kansas. Just kidding. But not about the tornado. That really happened. Sersly.
9. I heard there's a hexagon-shaped thing spinning over Saturn. Freaky-deaky.
10. They took our front door gate. In fact they took all of the ones in our apartment. We don't get them back either. That's so shitty. I have cats. It's springtime. I WANNA OPEN MY DAMN DOOR! On the plus side they gave us one new screen for our front room window. Of course the other side has no screen AT ALL, but we have one new one!
11. I had a million picture-perfect moments today but I FORGOT MY CAMERA.
12. Hansen's diet, calorie/sugar free Ginger Ale natural soda is AMAZING. Just thought I should fill you in on that.
13. And the number thirteen reason why dogs shouldn't wear clothes...Oh wait, I'm not on David Letterman. I'm at home, sitting here at the computer with WHIP LASH and I need a shower. Thank you ladies and gentlemen, goodnight!